Patience is Like a Lever

by David Rollert

Archimedes, the ancient Greek mathematician and physicist, is quoted as saying, "Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world." With this statement, he was discussing the physical advantage of proper leverage. In many ways, when dealing with people, patience is like Archimedes’ lever. Proverbs 25:15 teaches us that “By forbearance a ruler may be persuaded, And a soft tongue breaks the bone.” To understand this, let’s build some analogies.

Imagine that a disagreement arises between you and your spouse. You both have strong opinions about something, and the more forcefully you push your idea, the more forcefully your spouse pushes back. Direct force is not working. You need a lever: you need patience. Rather than pushing back directly, patiently hear your spouse out. Patiently consider the merits of their thoughts, then calmly present your point of view. Patience allows you to understand your spouse, make them feel respected and heard, and gives them time to consider your point of view.

Imagine another scenario. At work, your manager has made a decision you know is wrong. However, from previous experience, you know that directly confronting them in front of everyone undermines their authority and can be seen as you competing with them. Direct force will not work. You need a lever: you need patience. Rather than confronting them in front of everyone, you could go to them privately. Patiently ask clarifying questions to help you fully understand their reasoning. Then calmly present your perspective. They may still reject your perspective. Patiently waiting for them to see the negative outcome of a bad decision allows them to learn without any force from you.

Or maybe your child is acting out. They are misbehaving, disrespecting you, and generally being difficult. You tried to be forceful and commanding with them, but rather than submitting, they acted out even more! Direct force is not working. You need a lever: you need patience. Rather than allowing their bad behavior to provoke you to anger, you could take some calming breaths before gently probing for the cause. Patiently ask them what they are feeling and why. Patiently listen to their answers, no matter how long it takes. Quite often, kids act out because they have some unmet need they don’t yet know how to properly communicate, and they feel unheard or misunderstood. It is often a plea for help, not a true act of rebellion.

Remember, in whatever difficult situation you find yourself, “By forbearance a ruler may be persuaded, And a soft tongue breaks the bone” (Proverbs 25:15).