The Old Ball and Chain

by David Rollert

It is common to hear marriage spoken of in derogatory ways. And I understand why. The world does not promote healthy or Godly attitudes about self, others, or relationships. Thus, many people end up being selfish and sinful in their marriages, and then (little wonder) they have negative experiences with marriage.

But it does not have to be that way. When couples submit to God’s will about marriage and follow His instructions concerning how to treat one another, then marriage can be truly wonderful. However, to their detriment, even many Christians parrot worldly ideas about marriage. After all, a lie that is heard a million times is more believable than a truth heard once. Let’s take a look at some of these worldly ideas about marriage to see their effect.

“The old ball and chain.” This is often applied to marriage, generally jokingly - but sometimes seriously. The idea is that before you are married you are free to live life how you see fit. You can go where you want, do what you want, when you want. But, when you get married you are suddenly no longer free. Do you see how detrimental this mentality is? If a person sees their spouse in this way, then when something goes wrong or they get disappointed, they will blame their spouse. When a person blames their spouse for their woes, then they will stop trying to work together with their spouse. The marriage will become a battle ground rather than a place of love and care. Hebrews 13:4 tells us that marriage must be held in high honor, not in contempt.

“I told you I loved you when we were married, and if that changes I will let you know.” This is most often heard from men, though a woman could hold this view as well. The idea here is that one or both spouses don’t want to be overly emotional for one reason or another. However, the simple truth is that people, especially women, need frequent reassurance. Both husbands and wives must reaffirm their love for one another with both words and actions. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 shows us that love takes the other’s needs into account and cares for those needs.

“Love is doing what I tell you to do.” This shows up when one or the other spouse is overly controlling. A wife who domineers her husband. A husbands who micromanages his wife. This may be seen in a million different areas of life. But the overwhelming idea being communicated is that love equals obedience. That mindset quickly becomes manipulative and abusive. Godly marriage is not about control, but about care. Marriage should not be one party controlling the other, but about both working together to overcome challenges. Ephesians 5:22-33 speaks of the mutual respect and care that should be present in marriage. Both parties serving each other’s needs, not demanding obedience.

If you want to have a healthy, strong marriage, then don’t parrot the world’s negative view of marriage. Instead, act on God’s righteous view of marriage!