Unity Above Ego

by David Rollert

We all have preferences, opinions, and desires. Sometimes we are very passionate about our preferences on topics such as the order of the worship service, personal dress, features of a new church building, and many more. While strong preferences are fine, problems arise when we treat opposing opinions as personal affronts. This happens when someone allows their ego to dictate their attitude. Discussions become less about finding solutions and more about getting their way. We should immediately see how damaging this is. One cannot always have their own way, nor can multiple differing views always win out. Those who don’t get their way may become resentful and start to view others as their opponents rather than brothers and sisters. Strife and animosity fester, which causes division in the church.

Thankfully this does not have to be the outcome! In Ephesians 4:1-6, Paul writes about maintaining the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Notice that Paul does not say, "Maintain unity because everyone agrees with you or because you enforce your opinion." Instead, he says, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:2-3).

Notice that the first item he lists in verse 2 is “all humility.” We cannot walk in a worthy manner or maintain unity without applying humility. The opposite of humility is pride and ego. Pride and ego say, “Me first, others after that.” Humility says, “God first, others next, self after that.” Humility can be one of the hardest things to foster because it goes so directly against our human nature. But the unity of the body will benefit from the practical application of humility.

The other items on the list directly depend on humility. Pride does not show gentleness, patience, or tolerance in love to those holding differing opinions. Instead, pride and ego show harshness, impatience, and intolerance toward those who hold different views. However, when we apply gentleness, patience, and tolerance in love with godly humility, we can maintain the unity of the Spirit.

But what if brethren disagree on matters of opinion and each person genuinely feels his or her way is better? This is where humility, gentleness, patience, and tolerant love really shine. In humility, we listen to the other person’s point of view to seek understanding. Perhaps they have points we haven’t considered. Humility will accept them with grace. With gentleness, we describe why we think our way is superior. We apply patience and understanding, knowing it may take a little while for the person to understand a new point of view. We show tolerance in love if they decide they still do not want to change their point of view. When this happens, we seek to find a compromise between the differing points of view.

If everyone in every situation applies the principles Paul laid out in this passage, then we can maintain unity even when people have different preferences and opinions.