Do My Friends and Acquaintances Contribute to My Trouble?

by David Rollert

Many people seem to experience a mental disconnect regarding who they spend time with and the resulting situations in which they find themselves. A person who spends most of their time with negative people may wonder why they are so depressed. A person who spends a lot of time around heavy drinkers may wonder why they can’t stay sober. Someone who spends a considerable amount of time around the chronically unemployed may wonder why they can’t get motivated to get a job. These are some commonly stated reasons for keeping unhealthy associations:

• “They have been my friends for a long time, I can’t abandon them.”

• “They are the only people who accept me for who I really am.”

• “I am trying to influence them to move in the right direction.”

This problem is nothing new. In fact, this very issue is part of what led to Judah’s downfall. Zephaniah 2:4 - 3:8 describes how Judah and Jerusalem had conformed themselves to their neighboring nations rather than conforming to God’s will. After all, “Bad company corrupts good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33). The danger is relatively obvious, so let’s address these “reasons” for spending time with bad characters.

“They have been my friends for a long time, I can’t abandon them.” AND “I am trying to influence them to move in the right direction.” That may be the case. However, long associate does not mean healthy association. Take an honest look at the direction of influence. Are you actually succeeding in influencing them to stop their sin and become more responsible? Or are they succeeding in influencing you to indulge in sin and become less responsible? If they influence you to sin rather than you influencing them not to sin, then you need to step back from those friendships.

“They are the only people who accept me for who I really am.” I always find this argument to be fascinating. What this often means is, “They don’t challenge me to grow.” Let’s be real. The Bible, Christ’s church, and Christians should all challenge us to grow in our knowledge of God and in our spiritual maturity (c.f. Hebrews 10:19-25). Spiritual stagnation is not healthy. Sinful and immature friends may feel more accepting – even “loving.” But, if they are accepting of sin and activities that are harmful, then they are not looking out for your best interests.

The people that we spend time with influence the way we think and act. If we spend time with negative, sinful, immature people, then we will stagnate. We will become more negative, sinful, and immature. If we spend time with positive, godly, mature people, then we will grow. We will become more positive, godly, and mature AND set the example for others to do the same!